My somethings.

You know what I’m talking about.

Something old, something new

Something borrowed, something blue

And a silver sixpence in her shoe.

This rhyme, which details what a bride should wear at her wedding for good luck, is one of my favorite wedding traditions. It’s sweet and sentimental and completely non-controversial. It’s one of the easiest ways to incorporate a personal touch into your wedding. And although practically everybody does it, nobody does it the same way – the combinations of “somethings” are infinite!

I’m so excited to share my somethings with you, and I’m even more excited to wear every single one of them on my wedding day. I mean, I need all the luck I can get.

Something old: This represents the old life that the bride is leaving behind and is symbolic of moving on to the future. My engagement ring and wedding band originally belonged to my maternal grandmother, who was married in 1958. Although I never knew her – she passed away in 1987, just a few months before I was born – it’s an honor to wear her rings. I can only hope my marriage will be as happy as hers (from what I’ve been told, anyway).

(Personal photos: my grandparents on their wedding day, and my grandmother’s/my engagement ring in a cute little ring holder I was given at my bridal shower.)

Something new: This symbolizes optimism and hope for the bride’s future. My dress, veil, and shoes are all brand spanking new. Easy!

Something borrowed: I love the meaning behind this – it’s a reminder that the bride can always depend on her friends and family. I briefly touched on this in an earlier post; I will be borrowing my Alpha Delta Pi sisters’ pins and incorporating them into my bouquet. My sorority sisters are both friends and family. They’ve seen me through the best of times and the worst of times. To have a piece of ADPi with me as I walk down the aisle will mean so much.

(Image via Nashville Alpha Delta Pi Alumnae on Flickr.)

Another something borrowed that I feel privileged to incorporate into my wedding day? Longtime readers may be aware of a set of bee charms that is passed from blogger to blogger as we get married. I am so excited to get my hands on these sweet little bees and wear them on the big day!

Something blue: This represents fidelity, loyalty, and love – what marriage is all about, am I right? Which makes sense, because historically, blue was a really popular wedding color. My something blue is another something borrowed; my fabulous great aunt is lending me sapphire and diamond earrings, as well as a coordinating bracelet.

(Appallingly terrible personal photo.)

In addition, because I’m a nail polish fiend and neutrals just don’t cut it for me, maybe I’ll be wearing a blue mani or pedi! I’ve been wearing a lot of navy lately, but a nice baby blue could be perfect for a spring wedding, no?

(Gorgeous blue nail polish swatches via The Beauty Collection.)

And a silver sixpence in her shoe: This oft-forgotten part of the rhyme symbolizes wealth, or at the very least, financial security. Unfortunately, the actual sixpence coin stopped being minted in 1970. A common substitution these days is a penny or a dime. However, it’s still really easy to get your hands on an actual sixpence, should you be taking this rhyme extremely literally (like me). You can either go fancy, or you can be like me and eBay it. I got mine for less than a dollar. Considering the presence of this coin in my shoe on my wedding day will inevitably lead to making it rain, it’s an investment.

(I HAD TO. Image via Tumblr.)

So those are my somethings. I love each and every one of them. Sure, this may be a silly superstition, but I had a lot of fun thinking about how I would incorporate it into my wedding day.

Tell me about your somethings!

G.N.O.

In my last post, I told you all how the last gift I opened at my bridal shower was an invitation to my bachelorette party that evening. And then we all went back to my parents’ house and changed into our sweatpants for a relaxing evening of board games and Diet Coke.

Just kidding! Although I wouldn’t say no to any of the above.

Obviously, all photos here on out are personal. They are also carefully curated to ensure I don’t embarrass myself TOO much. Put on your party pants and let the fun begin!

My little A, me, and ALL THE BACHELORETTE GEAR.

The first stop? Lips, for the “ultimate in drag dining”. These ladies put on a freaking show, you guys. Everyone from the cocktail waitresses to the performers is so gorgeous and sassy and hilarious and fun. Basically, I felt like I had found my spiritual home.

I am wearing a very rude balloon on my head.

I even got summoned to the stage, because I am a ~special snowflake~

THEY DID “SPICE UP YOUR LIFE”. MY EMOTIONS.

Silly sorority girls and their silly hand signs. Who does that?

After a phenomenal time at Lips, we weren’t quite ready to end the party, so the next stop was Japas 55 for some karaoke. By the time we got there, it was getting pretty late, plus the main bar area was really fun, so we opted not to get a private room. Besides, we were a loud, raucous bachelorette party – who didn’t want to be friends with us?

Pictures from this part of the evening all pretty much look like this. Which is probably for the best – I was looking ROUGH.

Granted, the song queue had been stacked with Celine Dion power ballads, but we made do. Because that’s the way it is.

(via Know Your Meme)

And then, because all good things must come to an end, it was time for this bridge and tunnel crowd to head back to Jersey. The next morning was a little rough, to say the least, but it was SO worth it.

BM B did an incredible job organizing this party. Since I’m one of the first people in my group of friends to get married, everyone was really excited about my bachelorette and swore they wouldn’t miss it for the world. And they meant it, because the final guest list? 27 lovely ladies. (To be fair, since my bridesmaids are all family and aren’t that close with my friends, they each brought a friend or two of their own, so that inflated the head count a little – the more, the merrier!) To say this presented a logistical nightmare challenge would be an understatement, but B handled it with aplomb. No one got lost or left behind, no one fought, no one got in any sort of trouble. It was just a really fun night out with my best friends: the perfect way for me to celebrate my last days as a non-married person.

With my pre-wedding parties done, the next time I’m going to see everybody all together will be at the wedding. Gives me another reason to be insanely excited for April – good thing it’s coming up fast!

What did you do for your bachelorette party? Did you opt for a low-key evening, or did you party hard?

Showers of happiness! (And cannoli.)

Sorry for disappearing for a while, hive. I’m in that weird phase of wedding planning where everything is more or less done until we get a final head count. I feel like I should be more relaxed, but I keep thinking ahead to everything that will be on my to-do list once that head count is finalized, and the stress kicks in. So I haven’t really had a lot to talk about … until now!

The first thing I will say about my bridal shower is that it was supposed to be a surprise.

The second thing I will say about my bridal shower is that I hate surprises. So when someone accidentally let the date of the shower slip (a long, hilarious, and ultimately irrelevant story), I wasn’t too disappointed. I did my best to feign cluelessness, but my bridesmaids knew I knew. They still kept everything else a surprise!

SURPRISE! (All photos are personal!)

B made this banner – isn’t she the best?

Where to begin? The bridal shower was held at Calabria, my family’s favorite Italian restaurant. In fact, we love this place that we also had our engagement party here a million years ago. Needless to say, the food was delicious: assorted focaccia breads, salad, chicken parm, penne, meatballs, sausage, London broil, and for dessert, the world’s best cannoli. Oh, and wine flowing like water. What else could you want?

This is not a cake. This is a bunch of towels. My friend A is insanely crafty. I still haven’t disassembled it.

Most of the afternoon was spent eating, drinking, and chatting, but there were also some games to liven things up a little bit. I think they went over really well!

He Said, She Said – Stallion and I each had to give B five fun facts about ourselves. (As you can see, we kind of missed the “fun” part. Also, B came up with the bonus questions, and she is gross.) Everyone had to guess who each fact came from. If you got eight or more correct, you won a prize – heart-shaped Peeps, because B got a ton of them free from work.

Who Am I? – Yeah, so much for censoring my name. ANYWAY. This game was a huge hit, because everyone went out of their way to write down the most embarrassing memories possible. By the end of this, my face was literally magenta from laughing so hard. The prize? More Peeps.

Bridal Shower Bingo – To make the awkward gift-opening portion of the afternoon a little more interesting, B downloaded a free bingo card template from Personalized Brides. Everyone filled in their bingo cards according to what they thought I would receive. Of course, only like two people actually got bingo, because approximately 75% (I may be exaggerating slightly) of my gifts were wine-related. What can I say? People know what I like.

Eventually, the party came to an end, and we sent out guests home with these sweet mermaid-shaped bottle openers. Pretty and practical! And they tie in with the whole beach-ish wedding theme we sort of have going on.

B arranged the favors like this instead of putting one at each place setting.

The very last gift I opened? A sash, a tiara, and … an invitation to my bachelorette party that evening! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!

My (insanely gorgeous) bridesmaids bullied me into trying on the tiara. As you can see, it fits.

If I could sum up my shower in four words, it would be: great food, great company. I had an amazing time catching up with friends and family, and I was so flattered that people had given up their afternoons and traveled from all over the place to celebrate with me. And the celebration wasn’t over – it was time to head back to my parents’ house and get ready for my bachelorette!

Did you have a surprise bridal shower? Were people actually able to keep the details a surprise?

Guest-imating.

So, as you guys know, Stallion and I invited 241 people to our wedding. (I’m dying. SO. MANY. PEOPLE.) But how many of them will actually show up?

There are a couple different rules of thumb you can follow to estimate your wedding attendance:

• You can assume 100% of your guests will show. Obviously, this is unrealistic, but it gives you a nice cushion in your budget, which is always a good thing. We did this when looking for venues – better to have room to move around than to have everyone squished in like sardines, you know?
• You can follow the 80% rule. I’ve seen this statistic thrown around in pretty much every wedding planning resource on Earth, so it probably holds some water. According to this method, Stallion and I will have 192 guests attend the wedding.
• Destination wedding? Word on the street is that you can assume a 65% attendance rate. While Cape May isn’t what comes to mind when most people think of a destination wedding, it may as well be for our guests – the closest guests still have to travel two hours to get there. According to this method, we’ll have 157 guests make the trip.
• Got a mix of local and out-of-town guests? Combine the above attendance rates by taking 80% of your local guests and 65% of the out-of-towners. We don’t have any local guests, so this method doesn’t apply to us.
• Review each individual guest, assign them a statistical probability of attendance, and use the weighted head count to estimate your total attendance. Obviously, we took this route. Anything involving fun with Excel is a must-do in my book.

In the interest of full disclosure, I did not come up with this method myself. Actually, I thought I learned about it from another Bee blogger, but I can’t find anything in the archives. I first read about it back when Stallion and I got engaged, a year and a half ago, and I promptly filed it away in my brain without bothering to note where I found it. But wherever it came from, I’m sharing it with you all now, because I think it’s a pretty handy way to estimate your head count.

Anyway. Like I said, review each individual guest on your list. Are they probably attending, maybe attending, or probably not attending? We dropped each guest into one of these buckets, and then we assigned each bucket a statistical probability. The “probably attendings” were weighted at 90%, the “maybe attendings” were weighted at 50%, and the “probably not attendings” were weighted at 10%. Add up the weighted head count, and you have your estimate!

Here it is in action (personal photo):

• Columns A through C are pretty self-explanatory.
• Column D has the percentages that correspond with our probability buckets. Leslie and Ben are probably attending, Mona-Lisa is probably not attending, and Ron could go either way.
• Column E was populated by multiplying the guest count in column C by the probability in column D. Not an Excel wizard? The formula is simple: =C5*D5 (assuming you’re calculating for Leslie and Ben in row 5). Once you’ve calculated it in one cell, click the lower right hand corner of the cell and drag it down to populate the column for the rest of your guests.
• Cell B1, the total number of invited guests, is the sum of column C, using the formula =SUM(C:C)
• Cell B2, the estimated number of guests attending, is the sum of column E, using the formula =SUM(E:E)
• Cell B3 estimates the percentage of guests attending, using the formula =(B2/B1)*100

In conclusion, of the 15 guests I invited from Pawnee, I’m likely to have 9.5 attend, giving me a 63% attendance rate. Gee, I wonder who the half person will be.

This method is good if you know your guest list well – your best friend from college, for example, is way more likely to attend than a distant cousin you haven’t seen in 15 years. And if you’re not sure about a particular guest, that’s what the maybe/50% bucket is for.

Under this method, Stallion and I have an estimated head count of 160, giving us an attendance rate of 66%, which is right in line with the standard 65% estimate for a destination wedding. (In other words, our detailed analysis of the guest list was more or less pointless.) Since RSVPs are still coming in, I can’t say for sure where we’ll shake out numbers-wise, but so far, things are pretty much in line with our estimates. Not that that’s saying much, considering the RSVP deadline is still a month away.

How did you estimate your wedding attendance? How close was your estimate to the actual attendance rate?

Hustle your bustle.

Since my first fitting is looming closer and closer, I’ve started thinking about bustles. My dress doesn’t have a long train – I’m pretty sure it’s just chapel-length – but regardless, it would be pretty impractical to leave it as-is the entire reception if I plan on dancing the night away. If your dress has a train, this alteration is pretty much a given.

There are almost as many different types of bustles as there are styles of dresses! When choosing your bustle, consider your train length, dress materials, budget, and – of course – aesthetics. I mean, what’s the point if it doesn’t look pretty, right?

First, you’ve got your over bustles, also known as American bustles. These are super simple, and they are typically the least expensive to create. Your seamstress adds a loop and a hook or button, you pull your train straight up and hook it onto the dress, and it’s that easy. One point means that there is one hook, two points means that there are two hooks, and so on. The more hooks, the more secure your bustle is – definitely something to consider if your dress is a heavy fabric and/or you have a long train.

(One point over bustle via Bee blogger Mrs. Ladyfingers)

(Two point over bustle via Secret Diary of a Dressmaker – the two anchor points are side by side, giving the appearance of a single point.)

(Three point over bustle via hive member iarebridezilla)

(Over bustle on a trumpet-style dress via hive member blondiegirl)

A twist on the over bustle is the ballroom bustle, which is perfect for ball gowns (duh) or dresses with really long trains. Several anchor points are placed along the bodice so that once the dress is bustled, you get a perfectly seamless look, like there was never a train at all. All the anchor points make this bustle very secure.

(Ballroom bustle via hive member littlemrschatterbox)

Another option is an under bustle, also known as a French bustle. In this style, the train is pulled under the dress and tied with ribbon. Since the bustle is tied, rather than hooked or buttoned, it tends to be more secure than an over bustle, so it’s a better choice for dresses with long trains or heavy fabrics. This style of bustle can have a lot of anchor points (I’m talking ten or more on a complicated bustle), so a good seamstress will color-code the bustle ribbons to make your bridesmaids’ lives easier.

(Under bustle via Secret Diary of a Dressmaker)

(Under bustle via Bee blogger Mrs. Ladyfingers – same dress, but the different bustle creates a whole new look!)

(Under bustle via hive member LavenderBride24)

A variation on the standard under bustle is adding two or three layers, to create a double or triple under bustle. For good reason, these are also known as “whipped cream bustles” – the layers really are reminiscent of a dessert!

(Triple under bustle via Elegant Designs by CandiceLouise)

An unconventional option that is seriously gaining popularity is the Austrian bustle. This could not be any easier to bustle – all you do is pull a ribbon or cord enclosed in a casing, and your train is cinched up and bustled perfectly. If you can pull up a window shade, you can do this bustle. It’s really secure, and in my opinion, looks absolutely gorgeous.

(Austrian bustle via Secret Diary of a Dressmaker)

I can’t write a post about bustles without including the Nacho/train flip bustle! In this style, the entire train is flipped underneath the dress, creating a sort of bubble hem effect. In order to pull this off, your seamstress needs to create a lot of anchor points, so it can get expensive, but it’s incredibly secure and doesn’t add bulk to your backside the way more traditional bustles do.

(The Nacho bustle, via Bee blogger Mrs. Nachos)

So those are your basic bustle types, but there are endless variations of these! For more inspiration, I highly recommend checking out Leanna Studios. She’s got photos of every bustle configuration under the sun, as well as detailed explanations as to why they suit a particular gown. If you have no idea where to start researching bustles, this is a great resource.

Do you plan on bustling your dress? If so, how? Was your bustle secure enough to last the entire reception?

Building a foundation.

(This post is about underwear, so these photos may be NSFW. You’ve been warned.)

Shapewear is a beautiful thing. Not because it’s beautiful to look at, obviously. But it works miracles.

As a plus sized person who wears clothes (as opposed to a plus sized nudist, I guess), I’m intimately acquainted with what foundation garments and shapewear can and cannot do. I don’t NEED to wear them; nobody does. But I choose to wear them because I like what they do for my figure. I’m never going to fool anyone into thinking my size 16 ass is a size 2. But I can create a nice, clean line under my clothes. I can give myself better posture. I can define my waist, lift my bust, and/or smooth my hips and thighs. And all of that? Is pretty good for my confidence.

So naturally, after I found the perfect dress, the next step was to consider what I’d be wearing underneath it. My thought process was as follows:

• What is appropriate for my dress? I’m wearing an A-line dress, which is fitted in the bodice but flows over my hips. So I really only need to worry about my waist and bust. If you’re wearing a sheath or mermaid style, you may want to consider your hips and butt. Think about where your dress is fitted, and go from there.
• What is my dress made of? Crepe and silk charmeuse, for instance, will show every bump, curve, and panty line. Fabrics such as organza, satin, and lace are much more forgiving. In addition, you’ll want to consider how structured your dress is – if you’ve already got a lot of boning (especially common in a corset backed dress), you may get your desired effect without additional shapewear.
• What areas need help? I’m pretty busty, so I need a lot of support in that area. Sewed-in cups won’t do the trick for me. In addition, I’m pretty straight up and down, so I’d like to create as much of an hourglass shape as possible.

Something else to consider: shapewear, no matter how miraculous it may be, is still another layer of clothing. You may end up adding more bulk to your figure with that layer than you take away through shaping. Use a critical eye when assessing the effect of any shapewear – maybe you’re better off without it!

After all that, I came to the conclusion that a longline bra or bustier was the best solution for me. These bras go from your bust to your waistline. They are really supportive, and they give a nice waist-cinching effect. Perfect for my A-line dress!

Initially, I figured I’d get the Goddess Marilyn bustier. I’d heard nothing but rave reviews about it.

(via Her Room)

Problem? I’m on the taller side (5’10”) and I’ve got a long torso, so it was too short for me – the bustier actually ended before my natural waist. Thankfully, HerRoom.com is good about giving measurements, so I was able to find a few bustier options that were a little bit longer. I ultimately settled on Dominique 8949.

(via Her Room)

While it’s not quite as long on me as it is on the model, it ends about an inch or so past my belly button, which is good enough for me. It’s insanely supportive – I did the “jump test”, and NOTHING moved – and it gives me this ridiculous hourglass figure. Like, Jessica Rabbit-esque. Totally makes up for my wedding non-diet, which mostly consisted of me proclaiming, “The wedding diet starts tomorrow!” before diving headfirst into Chinese food or a burger or a margarita.

So that’s my top half sorted out. Originally, I didn’t have any big plans for my lower half beyond something cute, but then I remembered my worst enemy: chub rub. (For those of you not in the know, a) I’m jealous, and b) it’s the godawful chafing/rash/irritation caused by one’s thighs rubbing together.) If I’ve tried one preventative measure against chub rub, I’ve tried them all – baby powder, deodorant, anti-chafing gel, all that good stuff. Since it can get pretty hot inside a wedding dress, I’m not taking any chances. My thighs will be covered.

(via Zappos)

I’ll be sporting Spanx In-Line Super Power Panties, mostly because I already own them and they work like a charm in potential chub rub situations. I don’t really need any shaping from them, just inner thigh protection. Don’t already own a thigh shaper and don’t want to drop a ton of money on Spanx? Bike shorts will do the trick just fine. Nobody will know. I promise.

So that’s what’s going on under my dress. It may not be the most attractive getup – let’s be real, it’s definitely not the most attractive getup – but it’s functional, comfortable, and makes me look pretty damn good. Frankly, it makes me look so good that I don’t care what it looks like, which leads me to my last shapewear lesson for you all: when it comes to foundation garments, if you can, go for function over form. Who cares how it looks as long as it gets the job done? You can always change into something cute later on, and that’s all I’m going to say on that subject.

What foundation garments will you be wearing under your wedding dress? Did you go for form or function?