The coworker conundrum.

(This is Part 2 of what is apparently becoming my series on potentially awkward guest list dilemmas. Missed Part 1? NBD, you didn’t miss much.)

Think about this, hive. Assuming you work a standard 40 hour week, you probably spend more waking hours with your coworkers than with anyone else in your life.

God bless the poor souls who work with me.

ANYWAY. Spending that much quality time with anyone, you get to know them pretty well. I’ve been with the same employer since graduating college, and I’ve been on my current team for two years now. I absolutely love my job, and I am fortunate enough to work for some truly wonderful people. No, none of them read Weddingbee (to my knowledge). So it made sense that I would at least consider inviting some coworkers to the wedding.

But before I go any further, let me make one thing clear.

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Sorry, guys; I felt like channeling MySpace circa 2005. (via Glitterfy)

Capisce? Actually, let’s be real, you’re not obligated to invite ANYONE to your wedding that you don’t want to invite.

That said, here was our thought process …

  • Do you have a good relationship with your coworkers? Because if you hate the people you work with, why would you even consider inviting them to the wedding?
  • If you left your job, would you keep in touch? See above. For me, this drew the line between friend and acquaintance. Related: have you ever interacted outside the workplace? If the answer is no, maybe your wedding isn’t the best place to start.
  • Will it be awkward? Considering I am fresh off a ridiculous Lady Gaga dance-off at our company’s holiday party last week – no, I’m not concerned about awkwardness.

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Who says accountants don’t know how to party? (personal photo, edited to protect the not-so-innocent)

  • Are you trying to brown-nose/suck up/kiss butt/get ahead? DO NOT DO THIS. Does this happen in real life? If this is your only motivation for inviting coworkers to the wedding, you’re probably a freaking joy to work with. Find other ways to impress your boss, such as actually doing your job.
  • What will be the impact on your head count? NEEDLE SCRATCH.

See, my team at work is very fragmented. I have the managers to whom I directly report, and then there are a few other managers for whom I’ll do work, but they’re not actually “my” bosses. Then, there are a few associates who work under me, but considering they’ve only been at the firm for a few months, I don’t know them all that well. And then there are the associates who, on paper, are part of my team, but we’ve never worked together and haven’t really talked all that much. Obviously, the nice thing to do would be to invite everybody, but that’s adding another thirty-something people (because everyone gets a date!) to the guest list. I know all pretensions of a small, intimate wedding have gone out the window by now, but come on …

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That’s A LOT of extra people. (via Tumblr)

The solution? Invite in circles. I’m inviting my managers and associates I’ve worked with since I started this role two years ago, because I’ve known them all for so long and I know them well enough to not feel awkward about it. While the new associates on my team are great, it feels weird to invite a group of people I’ve only known for four months to my wedding, which – minor detail – is a six hour drive from Boston. Part of me feels like I’m drawing the line awfully arbitrarily, but if I haven’t even known you for a year, why would you even want to schlep all the way to South Jersey for the wedding? (That’s how I’m justifying things to myself, anyway. If I could afford to host everybody, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I can only stretch the budget so far.)

So let’s say you’re inviting only a few coworkers, or none at all. How do you handle it?

glitterfy3174258T706B81LAST ONE, I SWEAR. (via Glitterfy)

Seriously. Don’t. If the wedding doesn’t come up in conversation, no one can make you feel bad about not getting an invitation.

And if someone does bring it up, here are some handy buzzwords for you to graciously drive your point home: small, intimate, private, close, family, friends, budget. Maybe don’t use intimate, private, and close all in one sentence, unless you want HR to get involved.

All that said, the fact of the matter is that I’m getting married pretty freaking far from where I live and work. The odds of any of my coworkers taking the trouble to travel all the way to New Jersey just for the wedding are pretty low. That said, if anyone does choose to come, I’ll be incredibly flattered. To me, it was important to invite them regardless. They’ve done so much for me over the past few years, so the least I can do is invite them to have a nice dinner and an open bar on me.

Did you invite your coworkers to your wedding, hive? How did you deal with people not on the invitation list?

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